In a recent column for Slate Plus, Prudie offers advice on a heartfelt letter from a reader who’s grappling with the complexities of sharing personal details about her partner, referred to as ‘B’. After six months of dating, B has yet to meet the letter writer’s friends due to scheduling conflicts and their respective busy lives spent in college. Adding to the strain, B is currently experiencing a severe depressive episode.
The letter writer explains that although B is receiving professional help, recent times have been particularly difficult. She seeks guidance on how much information she can share with her friends about B’s situation without overstepping boundaries or compromising her partner’s privacy.
“On one hand, I feel like protecting privacy should come first,” she writes. “On the other hand, my therapist suggested I utilize my support network more since this has been really hard on me too.”
Prudie’s colleagues offer their perspectives on the issue. Jenée Desmond-Harris commends the letter writer for her thoughtful approach, highlighting that after a relatively short time in a relationship, it’s common to share personal aspects with friends. Lizzie O’Leary echoes this sentiment, recognizing the writer’s intent to find balance between seeking necessary support and ensuring friends don’t develop negative biases against B.
Jenée notes that the letter writer’s anxiety stems from a desire to control her friends’ impressions of her partner and to protect B’s feelings. She advises that it’s vital to let go of that control. “If your relationship can’t withstand you saying ‘Just making sure it’s not a secret that you’re dealing with depression,’ and if your friends hold a grudge against someone who makes you happy, that’s a problem,” she states.
Lizzie adds that the letter writer doesn’t need to seek permission from B to discuss her feelings with friends. The emphasis should be on her experience and need for support, as sharing these burdens is fundamental to friendship.
Ultimately, both Prudie and her colleagues suggest that the letter writer should communicate openly with her friends about the challenges she faces in the relationship, while also being mindful of B’s privacy. As Jenée concludes, she should feel free to organize a gathering where she can share updates on her life, emphasizing her emotional struggles while respecting her partner’s confidentiality.
